Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son to get married
Laloo : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case.... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But I dont want to marry my daughter."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.... Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.... Yes."
Now this is how business is done!!
I QUIT DRINKING
A man walks into a bar in Londonand ordered 3-glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, “You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time.” The man replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and I’m here in London. When they left home, we promised that we’ll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn. One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss.”
The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs.... “Oh, no,” he, said, “Everyone’s fine - both my brothers are alive”. The only thing is I just quit drinking...! !!
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, “You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time.” The man replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and I’m here in London. When they left home, we promised that we’ll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn. One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss.”
The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs.... “Oh, no,” he, said, “Everyone’s fine - both my brothers are alive”. The only thing is I just quit drinking...! !!
FAIRY TALE
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember.... fairies are female too!
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember.... fairies are female too!
The New Hospital Wing
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised against rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were all labouring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted, the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body", while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Radiologists could see right through it!
The physicians thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologist didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some butt hole in Administration.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were all labouring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted, the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body", while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Radiologists could see right through it!
The physicians thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologist didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some butt hole in Administration.
Three ladies
Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
JOKES
Husband (angrily): "What! No supper ready?
This is the limit! I'm going to a restaurant."
Wife: "Wait just five minutes."
Husband: "Will it be ready then?"
Wife: "No, I'll be ready to go with you.
SCHOOL JOKES-SANTA BANTA JOKES
Teacher: What is your name?
Student: Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.
Teacher: When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.
Student: My name is Sunlight.
Teacher: What is your name?.
Student: My name is Beautiful Red Underwear
Teacher: What kind of a name is this? Don’t joke tell me the right name
Student: My name is Sunderlal Chadda.
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhiji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.
Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Student: Mentally affected teachers harassing students
Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher: Because of Gandhiji’s hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student: A holiday
Teacher: Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?
Johnny: Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. [1st Rank]
Teacher: There is a frog, ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs. 3 per Kg... Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Santa Banta Jokes
Santa-Banta Jokes
Santa: Tum Next Janam Me Kya Banna Pasand Karoge?
Banta: Cockroach
Santa: Kyon?
Banta: Kyonki Meri Wife Sirf Cockroach Se Hi Darti Hai
Santa ke ghar uske sasural wale aaye.
Biwi boli jao bahar se kuch le kar aao.
Santa baahar gaya or taxi lekar aa gaya.
Banta: yar kal meine kitni baar call kiya, uthaya kyon nahi?
Santa: Kyon uthaun, 30 Rs. de ke jo gaana lagwaya hai woh kya tera baap sunega?
A Judge said.. order... Order.. Order..
Banta: 1 chicken tandoori, thode chips aur 1 cool drink.
Judge: Shut Up.
Banta: No, don’t bring Shut Up.. I only want 7Up.
Ek baar exam main question tha, “Challenge kise kehte hain?”
Santa ne saare pages khali chod ker aakhri page per likha.. “Apne baap ki aulaad hai to paas ker k dikh.”
Teacher: Delhi me Qutub Minar hai
Banta was sleeping and teacher wakes him up.
Teacher asks: What I said.
Banta: Delhi me kutta bimar hai
Santa ke paas ek kawwa (Crow) tha..
Wo bauhot Mulayam (soft) tha..
To usne apne kawve ka naam kya rakha hoga?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Microsoft
My-Crow-soft. ..
TEACHER: you call your Mother as MUM.
What will you call your Mother“s Younger Sister & Elder Sister?
Santa: So simple, i“ll call them MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
Banta apne bete se Bola: Oye, Gabra mat. Tu sher ka puttar hay
Beta: Papa,teacher bhi yehi poochti hay k tu kis jaanwar ki aulad hai?
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.
Nurse:A beautiful woman who holds your hand for 1 full minute and then expects ur pulse to be normal
Santa's wife thinks *freedom of the press* means no-iron clothes.
Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Zeher bharwane aya hoga...
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya , gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.
Santa bada dukhi tha
Banta:itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa:Ek dost ko 3 lakh plastic surgery k liye diye the,ab use pehchan nahin pa raha.
Santa:Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta:Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi
Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.
How do u identify a true music lover?
A man when hears a woman singing in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye! 45 days ago
Two frinds,who hadn't seen each other in several years, met on the street.
1st: Who are u working 4 now?
2nd: Same people, My wife & 4 child
Tom:How should I convey the news to my father dat I hve failed?
David:U just send a telegram:Result declared,past year s performanc repeated
Waiter: "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer: "What other colors do you have?"
Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil: "A teacher
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us.
Most Relatinships fail not because of the absence of love.
Love is always presnt.Its just that,One loves too much & the other loves too many
T-20 EXAM
Exam based on twenty twenty format!
Cricket has reached exciting levels with the introduction of twenty twenty. If the same thing was Infused into exams, it would have been something like this :-
1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.
2. Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.
3. Give free hit, that is a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.
4. 1st 15 minutes power play, that is no invigilator in the exam hall.
(Wow I will love this!)
5. Introduce fair play awards.
6.Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written!
Cricket has reached exciting levels with the introduction of twenty twenty. If the same thing was Infused into exams, it would have been something like this :-
1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.
2. Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.
3. Give free hit, that is a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.
4. 1st 15 minutes power play, that is no invigilator in the exam hall.
(Wow I will love this!)
5. Introduce fair play awards.
6.Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written!
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